


Today Was A Fairytale

by xlifefulloflaughterx



Category: The Punisher (TV 2017)
Genre: Angst and Fluff and Smut, F/M, Kastle Christmas Secret Santa Gift Exchange, Panic Attacks, Snow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:02:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,088
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28318674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xlifefulloflaughterx/pseuds/xlifefulloflaughterx
Summary: Karen Page falls apart, so that Frank Castle can find the will to put himself back together.TW - panic attack
Relationships: Frank Castle/Karen Page
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29
Collections: kastlechristmas2k20





	Today Was A Fairytale

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FortySevens](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FortySevens/gifts).



> This is my first ever Kastle Christmas. Watching The Punisher and falling in love with the character has really helped brighten some dark days this year. 
> 
> The fics I've read so far have been absolutely amazing so I'm feeling the pressure not to let the side down!
> 
> My Secret Santa was FortySevens - the word count got a bit out of control, but I hope you like it <3

Karen shot a tentative smile to the little girl in the window of the tall block of apartments as she sheltered from the rain under an awning. The streetlights cast shadows across the concrete and Karen pulled her coat tighter around her.

With well-practiced ease, she waited for the door to open. A man stepped out and she caught the door with her foot, slipping inside.

She hadn’t been here before, but it was pretty much what she imagined.

The narrow hall was dark, a strong smell of tobacco filling her nostrils and the screams of a baby reverberating through the thin walls. She knew he didn’t get much sleep anyway, but this must be its own form of torture for him.

It had been months since she’d seen him. Months and months of trying not to think about him. Trying not to wonder if he was okay. Then one night, she read some reports of a gunfight down in Queens that had his name all over it. It hadn’t been easy to track him down, but she knew he’d been working construction again so she’d paid a visit to his foreman.

_“Pete?”_ he’d said. _“Sent him home early. Guy needs to rest that injury. He’s not been sleepin’, comes up here in the middle of the night sometimes, carries on workin’…”_

Some sweet talking had gotten her his current address. She wasn’t sure how he’d react to the intrusion, but she needed to see him.

Locating his door, she knocked. There was no answer. Trying the doorknob, she was surprised to find it unlocked.

What Karen saw made her heart sink. He was on the floor, propped up against the wall in his bare apartment. There wasn’t even a couch. The yellow light overhead flickered when she closed the door behind her but he barely even looked up.

She flinched when the baby down the hall started wailing again, piercing the silence like a knife.

He was shirtless, eating cold beans straight from the tin. She knew things were dark, had seen it in his eyes plenty of times. But seeing him like this, knowing he once had a home, kids he tucked into bed and a wife who kissed him goodnight…there was no hope in the air, no promise of better things to come.

She cared about him, had since she visited his house and saw the loving father and husband in those photos. That affinity had never wavered, despite the things he’d done.

He was bleeding from a wound on his side, seeping out slowly over the ripped shirt he had tied around his waist in a half-hearted attempt to stem it.

She didn’t speak, just knelt beside him, reaching for the knot of the shirt and opening it up so she could see how deep it was. His breathing was shallow, symptomatic of the bruising to his ribs.

His medical supplies were under the sink to her left and he didn’t even flinch when she poured the disinfectant over the area, but he pulled away from her when she started threading a suturing needle.

A lump formed in her throat, a mixture of frustration and helplessness.

“Frank…let me…” she tried.

He didn’t reply, tossing the empty can into the trash from where he sat.

“Why don’t you care about yourself Frank?” she asked, mouth set in a hard line. “How would Maria feel, seeing you living like this?”

She felt it before he opened his mouth, the sudden untempered rage that always simmered just below the surface. He’d never directed it at her before though. Not like this. The air in the room suddenly shifted.

“Maria’s dead!” he shouted, fire blazing in his eyes as he looked directly at her for the first time since she’d arrived.

Karen jumped at the tone of this voice, biting down on the inside of her cheek to stop herself from crying. Undeterred, she repeated the sentiment.

“It would break her heart Frank…it breaks _my_ heart” she said in a small voice, eyes tracking him as he stood, throwing the blood-stained shirt in the sink.

His nose twitched, his whole body tense.

“Yeah well I don’t need your fucking pity. Just leave me alone” he sank onto the creaky old bed, blood dripping onto the sheets where he’d irritated the wound again.

~ xxx ~

Karen had shed a tear on the walk home after that exchange, and had thought about it a lot over the next week or so.

Despite what he’d said, the anger had disappeared pretty quickly. Instead, she couldn’t stop thinking about whether he’d stitched up that wound after she left, if it would get infected. She imagined him lying on the bed in that dingy apartment, too weak to move, giving up. Even if the wound did heal, knowing he was living like that…it was clear he’d already given up.

There wasn’t much she could do anymore. She just hoped that his friend Curtis would check in on him.

It was late on a Monday evening when there was a knock at the door. She bristled at it, not used to visitors. It hadn’t even crossed her mind that it might be him.

She opened it in her pyjamas to find him looking sheepish, holding a bunch of flowers – pink, red and white roses.

“…’m sorry Karen” he told her when she stepped back to let him in. “I was an asshole”

She stared at him, scanned him for any obvious injuries.

He put the flowers on the side table and looked up at her, waiting for her to say something, to start screaming at him.

He stumbled back a step in surprise when she gave in, closing the space between them to hug him tight.

She felt him relax into it, bringing a hand up to rest on the small of her back.

“You _were_ an asshole…but I’m glad you’re okay” she mumbled into his jacket. He rubbed her back a bit and she let him go, inspecting his face. He had a bruise that was turning yellow on his left cheekbone.

“Show me” she pointed to his side. He sighed, lifting his shirt to reveal his torso. It wasn’t even bandaged. “Off” she gestured and he shrugged off his jacket and pulled his shirt over his head.

She could feel him holding his breath as her fingertips skimmed along his ribs. The wound was closing up, but he hadn’t cleaned or dressed it properly.

“Sit” she pointed to the couch, heading into the bathroom to grab her first aid kit.

She flushed it out and pulled out a sticky square bandage. She laid it down on his skin and smoothed it out with her hand, admiring her handywork.

“Thanks Karen”

She passed him his shirt, if only so she could look him in the eye without blushing, and grabbed him a glass of water, feeling his eyes on her.

“Let’s just get something clear – I don’t pity you Frank” she put the glass on the coffee table, running a stressed hand through her hair. “You should know me better than that”

He didn’t say anything, just looked back at her with those haunted eyes as she sat down beside him.

“You can’t expect me to see you like that and say nothing”

She hadn’t stopped thinking about it since, how alone and hopeless he’d looked.

“Why did you come?” he asked quietly.

“You’re not an idiot Frank. Don’t pretend to be”

He released a breath through his nose, finishing his water. She followed his gaze to the Christmas card on the counter – the lone Christmas reference in her apartment – and she swallowed hard.

Christmas was always hard. It brought back a lot of unpleasant memories for her, and she often spent it alone for fear of burdening others.

But for Frank, she could only imagine how hard it must be.

“I missed a lot of Christmases” he said quietly, as if reading her mind. “But when I was home, Lisa and Frankie would come bounding into the bedroom at some absurd hour, jumping all over the bed to wake us up…shouting that Santa had been”

There was a soft smile on his face, eyes flicking back and forth. Karen smiled sadly at that, wondering whether it was worse to have loved and lost, or to have never loved at all.

Then silence fell between them. She broke it, lifting her gaze to make sure he felt the weight of her words.

“I’m scared Frank…that you’re on a mission to go out in flames”

“Maybe I am” he shrugged. “Don’t look at me like that” he sighed when her face dropped.

“I want you to find peace…” she whispered.

“There is no peace Karen…not after what happened”

“Would Maria want this Frank? Is this what she’d want for you?”

He didn’t react with anger this time but he pinched the bridge of his nose. When he looked back his eyes were swimming.

“I’ll never get to ask her that will I?” he murmured.

She wanted to reach out and take his hand but touch was such a delicate balance with him.

“We talked about it…” he started, wringing his hands in his lap. “About what would happen if I didn’t come back after a deployment”

Karen swallowed hard, picking at her nails to keep her hands busy.

“I made a joke that Bill would step in and take my place” he laughed a little at the memory. “She wouldn’t speak to me for two days”

Karen watched his eyes darting back and forth as he leaned forwards, elbows on his knees.

“…if it had been her sat here and not you, you’d want better for her Frank…you’d want her to _live_ ”

She knew she was laying a lot of cards on the table right now but she felt compelled to get through to him. He was on a destructive path that could only lead to one outcome.

“ _I_ want that for you”

“Why Karen?” he whispered. “I need to know”

“What do you want me to say Frank?”

“How you feel”

He knew. She could see it in his eyes. In fact, she was sure he’d known for a long time.

“That’s not fair Frank…I told you how I feel in that hospital and it didn’t change a thing”

He looked up at her, confusion on his face.

“That’s what you think?”

“What else could I think?”

“You know who I am, what I’ve done. And you told me it didn’t change how you felt about me. You put yourself at risk again, coming there to help me. Of course it meant something…”

“Well it doesn’t feel like a damn thing changed Frank. Because all you did was bring up Matt, as if you had the right to tell me how I feel or who I love”

He frowned.

“Maybe I loved him once, but we bring out the worst in each other. You can’t keep using him as an excuse Frank”

He looked down. When he spoke, he sounded utterly broken. “I can’t Karen…I can’t do it again”

“How do you know if you don’t try” she whispered. “…please Frank, give peace a try”

“I don’t know how…”

She considered that he’d never really had time to grieve, not properly. He’d woken up in a hospital with a bullet through his head and his entire life ripped from under him.

“Have you ever talked about everything?”

He looked confused. “What? Like therapy?”

That hurt her heart.

“Frank...I mean with a friend…” she corrected gently.

“Oh…”

She pulled a blanket around her, waiting for him to continue.

“Not really…Curt gave up trying to get me to open up a while ago. Just calls me a wallowing asshole” he chuckled.

She didn’t speak, just gave him the space to. But she could see on his face he didn’t know what to say.

He was quiet for a long time, as if he didn’t know where to start. He eventually settled on “I miss her”

Tears pricked at the back of her eyes.

“I miss her every day. I got used to missing her when I was away y’know, I missed so much but back then I always figured I’d have plenty of opportunities to make up for lost time”

He wrung his hands in his lap.

“Things weren’t perfect…she looked at me differently towards the end. She knew something was wrong. That morning, when she woke me up, I could have sworn she was scared of me. She was so relieved when I said I wasn’t going back. We were about to start the rest of our lives…” he whispered.

“I watch them die over and over. I live in that. That’s all I can think about most of the time. You and Curt, you talk about an after but it hasn’t ended. It’s still happening”

“Have you felt happy, even for a second since?”

He swallowed down a lump in his throat. “Only when I dream of them, before they die all over again”

She was proud that she’d managed to hold it together until that point but that was too much. She cried for him.

“I feel helpless Frank...I just want to take away even the smallest bit of that pain. I want you to have something that gives you hope”

“I can’t hope for anything Karen. Everything I touch is destroyed”

She wanted so badly to give him hope.

“I don’t want you to feel what I feel Karen. I don’t want to bring you down into this misery”

She shook her head. It wasn’t his fault he didn’t understand. She’d never opened up to him. He didn’t know that she felt the same, kept others at a distance so her trauma didn’t ruin their holiday celebrations. He was still closed off. If he thought she pitied him, he clearly had no idea how she really felt. Matt had never understood Karen’s connection to Frank. Maybe it was time Frank did.

She brought her feet up underneath her, wrapping a blanket around her shoulders, and she talked.

In a last-ditch attempt to reach him, to divert his path of destruction, Karen opened up about her brother and her past. She’d never told him these things. Never told anyone most of it. In the beginning, just the mere thought of it was enough to send her spiralling back into a memory so real it was like she was still there. But he needed to understand that what she felt for him wasn’t pity. It hurt her that he would ever think that.

“I am miserable Frank. I’m so lonely. Ever since I came to New York, since before that...I’ve felt lost and alone. I go to work everyday - I go for drinks with friends - but then I come back to this apartment on my own. I spend every Christmas alone…” her chest was tight, every breath felt like she was sucking air through a straw. “I have nightmares of Kevin and my parents and car accidents…sometimes I murder people and sometimes I get murdered…”

She hadn’t had a panic attack in years, had made every effort not to subject herself to the triggers but she remembered how it felt and knew it was too late to stop it now. Her heart was racing, pain in her chest, head spinning. She didn’t even realise she was sobbing until Frank gripped the tops of her arms.

“Breathe Karen” she could hear him through the fog.

She felt like she was drowning.

She wasn’t sure how much time passed but, in the end, he brought her out of it by taking her hands and placing them on either side of his face. His rough stubble under her fingertips grounded her and finally, she could see his face clearly.

She burst into tears again and he instinctively wrapped his arms around her. She dropped her hands from his face and wound them around his neck. He brought a hand up to the back of her head and let her cry into his shoulder.

They stayed like that for a while, until she stopped crying. He was rubbing slow circles on her back and she took a moment to just breathe.

“Sorry” she whispered, lifting her head to wipe her eyes. He loosened his grip but he didn’t let go.

“Curt’s right, I am a wallowing asshole” he said. She laughed a little but he didn’t. “You never told me this stuff Karen…it’s always been about me”

“What happened to me was my fault, it’s different”

“It wasn’t your fault Karen” he continued rubbing her back.

She hoped that by telling her she wasn’t to blame, he understood that he couldn’t possibly be responsible for what happened to his family.

“I had no idea...And Schoonover, when I hit you with that car -”

She shook her head. “It’s okay Frank. That was a long time ago. A lot has happened since”

She felt his breath on her face and was suddenly aware of how close they were. Maybe she wasn’t the only one who took such comfort from being touched.

“You okay?” he asked.

She nodded, wiping her nose with her sleeve.

He released her with a tender squeeze of her hand.

Normally it was Karen helping Frank. As much as she hated showing weakness, it was nice to be looked after for once. She hadn’t felt that in a long time.

“What are your Christmas plans Frank?”

He snorted.

“Come over. We can have crappy TV dinners and get drunk”

She was expecting him to say no, but her eyes were still red from crying and she guessed he understood what she was saying – that he wouldn’t be making her miserable. That maybe they could be sad together.

“If we’re doing it, we’re not doing TV dinners”

He saw the concern on her face and laughed.

“I’ll be Head Chef don’t worry” he decided.

It struck her, how there was light in his eyes. She hadn’t seen that before.

~ xxx ~

He turned up on Christmas morning with bags full of food. Karen hadn’t even brushed her hair.

“You’ve seen my kitchen right?” she levelled him with a sceptical gaze.

“I know what I’m doing” he reassured her. “Why don’t you go take a shower and let me worry about all this”

She watched in quiet awe as he brushed past her, starting to unpack the ingredients in the limited space. By the time she emerged with damp hair, he had his sleeves rolled up and he was chopping vegetables.

She stood in the doorway and watched him for a moment. She couldn’t imagine many people would use the word ‘sweet’ to describe The Punisher, but as Frank stood in the little kitchenette frowning at the oven she’d barely ever used, she couldn’t think of a better description.

“You actually found a turkey?”

“Just a crown, there’s only two of us” he offered. “I’d have had to stay over last night if we were cooking a full one”

“Maybe you should have” she caught a little playfulness in his tone and decided to throw it back.

She saw the faintest hint of a smirk on his face as he mashed the potatoes, biceps flexing under his thin cotton shirt. She joined him at the counter and started prepping carrots, chancing a glance at him every now and then.

“I didn’t know you could cook”

“I haven’t done it in a long time…” he told her quietly, adding some cream to the pan. “Haven’t had a reason to”

She smiled sadly, until something behind his head caught her attention.

“Frank! Frank - it’s snowing” she grinned, filled with unrestrained glee.

He followed her gaze, a smile tugging at the corners of his own lips. He wiped his hands off on a rag and tossed it into the sink.

“You wanna go for a walk while this cooks?”

She nodded, already pulling her boots on.

Everyone else had the same idea, piling out into the street as it started to come down hard. Thick flakes landed in her hair as they headed over to the park, noses pink and breath misting the air.

Looking up at the sky, she couldn’t help but laugh as a flake caught on her eyelashes. He watched her with a smile, grabbing her arm when she nearly slipped on the grass.

Leaning down, she scooped up some fresh snow where it had settled on a mound and threw it at him.

“Hey” he protested, grabbing a handful. She ran but he was quicker, catching her with ease, tugging on the back of her jacket and dumping it down her back.

She squealed at the freezing temperature, laughing and wiping her cold glove on his face. He grabbed her hand to stop her and she had to grip onto his jacket with her other hand to keep her balance.

The smile on his face as they caught their breath made her heart sing. She knew he’d come here today for her. But she hoped in doing so, he realised he was doing something for himself for the first time too.

When she was shivering, hair damp and cheeks red, they walked back to her apartment. She’d kept hold of his hand, and though she’d seen him glance down at it a few times, he hadn’t let go.

“Go change into some warm, dry clothes…I’ll get the rest of the food on” he told her, toeing out of his boots in the entryway.

“Okay” she smiled, feeling like a kid again. She did as she was told, changing into some leggings and a fleecy jumper.

When she returned, he was sipping a glass of wine, leaning against the counter and looking contemplative. She considered that he might feel guilty for enjoying himself, all things considered. But he seemed to shake it off when she re-joined him, handing her a glass.

They put some Christmas songs on while they finished up the food. When he plated it up, she marvelled at the mountain of food. There were enough leftovers to feed her for weeks.

He’d cooked turkey, stuffing roast and mashed potatoes, carrots, parsnips and more. He was trying to be humble but she could see he was proud that he’d pulled something like this together.

“It’s amazing Frank…everything is amazing”

“Glad I could put my rusty skills to use” he smiled, pouring another drink before sitting down.

They ate, enjoying some more wine. For dessert, Karen had made a pie. He seemed to like it, so she was glad her only real contribution was good.

Stuffed, they collapsed onto the couch and put a movie on. Karen kicked her feet up and pulled the blanket over her legs. When she glanced up to see his arm across the back, she took the liberty of leaning into his side. She felt his eyes on the top of her head but he didn’t say anything.

With all the food and alcohol in her stomach and Home Alone playing in the background, she drifted off, waking to find her head on his shoulder. He’d tucked the blanket around them and was absent-mindedly stroking her hair as the credits played.

Lifting her head to look at him, she wanted to cry at how content she felt. She was warm from their combined body heat, full of good food and the pleasant buzz of a little too much wine.

“Thank you for today” she mumbled when he noticed she was awake.

He dropped a kiss to the top of her head. “I just wanted to give you some good memories this year” he told her. “I have good memories, even if it’s hard to think about them”

She squeezed his arm. “It was magical”

An hour later, he tucked some hair behind her ear and shifted underneath her. She could feel that he was getting ready to leave.

Thinking about how she’d found him last week, this was already such a big step. She didn’t want to push him too far, but she couldn’t let this chance slip by.

“Stay” she whispered. “It’s late and you’ve had a drink”

He sighed.

“I don’t want you to go…stay” she asked again.

“I don’t know if that’s a good idea Karen”

What did he think was going to happen? Now she was intrigued.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” she turned her head to look at him, a hint of challenge in her tone.

“You know why…” he said, voice low. “I feel like I’ve blurred the lines a few times already” he gestured to their current position, with Karen curled into his side.

“What? You’d prefer to sit in your apartment alone?”

“Karen…”

“No Frank, I want better for you, and I want better for me”

“What are you saying?” he asked.

She sat up.

“I’m saying what’s the harm? Today has been perfect. Let’s not end it back where we started”

When she turned in his arms and put a hand on his neck to steady herself, he brought his hand down to the small of her back to keep her close. His eyes were on her lips, so she decided to be brave. She kissed him.

His lips were full against hers, his stubble rough on her skin. He returned it instinctively, his hand coming up to tangle in her hair. It was a soft, sweet kiss. It was everything she’d imagined.

When they broke for air, she wiped a string of saliva from his bottom lip with a laugh, pressing another kiss to the corner of his mouth. He smiled, and her stomach flipped with anticipation.

She stood, taking his hand and pulling him towards the bedroom. He followed, pulling her back to his chest when they reached the bed so he could lay a kiss where her shoulder met her neck.

She let him pull her sweater over her head and heard it hit the floor beside the bed. He ran his fingertips over her stomach and she took his hand, glad she’d gone braless, covering her breast with it.

He groaned, kneading her flesh in his hand. She closed her eyes when he ran his thumb over her nipple.

“You’re absolutely stunning” he kissed the skin behind her ear.

When she arched, she could feel him aroused against her lower back.

Turning in his arms, she pulled his own sweater off, wasting no time unbuttoning his jeans.

He pushed them down his hips while she peeled off her leggings and then he was lowering her to the bed and covering her body with his.

He wrapped a hand around the top of her head and kissed her properly. His tongue caressed hers and her whole body thrummed with excitement.

She tugged at the band of his underwear impatiently but he pulled hers off first. She watched with keen attention when he finally removed that last article of clothing. Frustratingly, her view was mostly obscured by him being on top of her.

“Hold on…” she put a hand on his chest.

“What’s wrong?” he frowned and she immediately kissed it away.

“I wanna see you” she bit her lip.

“Fuck Karen” he groaned, sitting back.

The low light cast shadows across the hard lines of his torso and her heart thumped in anticipation.

“The best Christmas present I could have wished for” he blushed when she complimented his manhood. 

He was gentle, eyes flicking back and forth over her face, revelling in every gasp he pulled from her lips.

He was trying so hard for her and it was making her emotional.

She laced her fingers behind his neck and ran her nails over the sensitive skin at the base of his skull. He closed his eyes, leaning into the touch.

When she fell over the precipice, arching up off the bed, he slowed his movements, kissing her softly until she came back to reality.

She was determined to make him the focus now.

“Roll over” she whispered, stroking his cheek.

He turned over, grabbing her hips and taking her with him.

She put her hands on his chest to steady herself and then set about giving him a show. He was looking up at her in wonder, shaky breaths working their way out of his throat every time she rolled her hips just right.

She ran her thumbs over his nipples and peppered kisses across his collarbone. He was drunk on touch as he gasped out a warning, spilling inside her.

She laid her head on his chest, heard his heart hammering under her ear as they recovered.

She hoped he hadn’t noticed when a tear slipped over her eyelid, but Karen could feel him frowning even though she couldn’t see his face. He didn’t say anything, just rubbed the top of her arm. If anyone could understand how overwhelming physical contact could be after so long, it was him.

He tightened his arms around her, pulling her into his chest. She felt so warm and content. So safe. It was surreal.

Eventually, he broke the comfortable silence.

“Best Christmas I ever had…” he started. “Lisa was six and Frankie was four. It was the first year I was back and they were both old enough to understand”

She glanced up at him and he was down at his hand on her skin.

“We got them both these little cars on a racetrack and they were absolutely crazy about ‘em. Maria and I split the cooking…I just remember it bein’ so easy. She was sneakin’ sips of wine and feedin’ me mashed potatoes from her finger while the kids were shrieking with excitement. She had a Frank Sinatra Christmas album playing…”

Karen was smiling at the image, tears swimming in her eyes.

“We didn’t leave the house. Didn’t see anyone else. But I remember thinking that I was the luckiest man in the world. Things weren’t always great y’know? We were going through a rough patch. But that day, it was like none of that mattered. Maria was just lookin’ at me all moon-eyed…”

She didn’t tear her gaze away.

“…kind of like how you’re lookin’ at me now”

Her breath caught in her throat.

“I love you Karen…” he admitted, like it was the easiest thing in the world.

“I love you too” she whispered. “Merry Christmas Frank”


End file.
